So, the first of my “Face of Tees Valley” events was looming and all the prep was done. I was being accompanied on this adventure by a group of boys I have been lucky enough to be part of for the last 2 years. Two of the guys I’ve known for 7/8 years recently opened a Male Grooming salon in Teesside and both they and their wider circle of mates have become constant suppliers of fun days (and nights) out, most of which will not be makin’ their way onto these pages for fear of bein’ remembered ha ha.
Seriously though, these boys are without doubt the most respectful and DEEP (your welcome tom an’ rich) down good lads I’ve met in a long time and when I was asked to bring along 5 guests to join in the day I immediatly thought a good dip in the Tees is just what these lads deserve 
I was innitially to head over to the Tees Barage with my motley crew ( 2 of whom had not been home more than 20 min’s before they were picked up at 9am that Sunday mornin’ !!!) but we all nipped off for a full english to weigh us down should our craft try to capsize later in the day. Among us were David “Tomo(obv)” Thompson and Andy ”G-ray” Gray the co-directors of “Rude Grooming” along with Chris Patton (their apprentice and not the former governor of Hong Kong), Anthony Newby (out ’til 8.40am!!) and Daniel ”Oggy” Hogg (the daddy of the group ha ha).
Our task was to take a boat down the white water course and get a feel for the power of the water as it was tossed around the foamy man made waves. We were met by Mark, one of the instructors and given wetsuits to wear (how aptly named these were as we were soon to find out!!) We made our way outside to put on saftey jackets and helmets when Mark realised one of us had the suit on back to front (guess who, it’s a no-brainer lol). We were given a safety briefing and headed into the Tees.
I have never felt cold like it, although I was informed once the numbness had set in I wouldn’t be able to feel anythin’ (presumably not even the penguins that I was sure must be peckin’ away at my toes!!). After gettin’ acquainted with the boat the boys an’ I, with me at the front an’ Mark steering from behind headed towards the white water rapids.
The first drop seemed huge and as Mark instructed us to paddle left or right we went into Bear Grylls mode and became one. Well, that’s what should have happened. We actually went into a blind panic coupled with fits of laughter that prevented us from paddlin’ even if we wanted to. The first rush was over and we steeled ourselves for the next challenge (at this point our instructor was calmly tellin’ us the names of the different drops and waves we had been over and those that were to come, I think I heard the word Valentine but love was the last thing on my mind!!!)
We eventually made it to the bottom and began carryin’ our boat back to the beginning of the course ( this task became much harder as time went on). Our second run was a slightly more acomplished affair in that I think two of us actually managed to co-ordinate our paddle strokes. We were ready for our 3rd an’ final run at the beast after bein’ taught to spin the craft by each side paddlin’ in a different direction. Off we went to find that Mark had directed us to take the first drop goin’ backwards!! With hearts in our mouth we managed to face the direction we were goin by about half way down the course but by this point we were soaked. Then disaster struck, G-ray was overboard almost takin Anthony with him.
Our collective safety mentality took over an’ we all just fell about laughin (I almost went in when I saw Andy’s face breathlessly gaspin’ for air over Anthonys body that was held in only by his feet) Eventually I managed to grab Anthony’s hand an’ pull him in but unfortunatly Andy was on his own and didn’t get back in ’til near the end of the course. We hit the smooth water an’ started to pull ourselves together about 25 ft from the edge when Mark suggested we swim back the rest of the way. Andy could not be convinced as he had only recently gotten back on board and knew how cold it was. Mark had told us the course was no more than waist height but hadn’t told us that this wasn’t part of the “course” as we all jumped in and disappeared under the water!!! Personally I felt like someone had flung me in an icecube “David Blain” stylee and had I had any breath left our instructor would have been under no “illusion” how I felt about him at that point lol!
Well we dragged ourselves out an’ compared what stories we would tell our grandkids about the day in the future as we headed for the most eagerly awaited shower of our lives. A great day out that will no doubt be repeated in the future, thanks to Mark an’ all the staff for makin’ us fell so welcome and COLD!!!
Ha ha James, really enjoyed reading your blog!